10 Things You’ll Never Hear A Travel Manager Say

…about upgrades

“Sure you can stay at the Hilton! It’s a *little* out of our normal price range, but what the heck — it’s nearly Christmas after all!”


…about flights

“Now, make sure you keep your seatbelt fastened at all times. Even when the stewardess says it’s ok to move around the cabin. Stay strapped in. Or our insurance is invalid.”


…about bookings

“You’re on your own with this one. I don’t need the hassle. Just keep it under $1,000. Or $2,000. Tops.”


…about expenses

“Look, at the end of the day, you can claim for as much you need. Just make it look like the client wanted it.”


…about the company travel policy

“It’s kind of there as a failsafe. If things go wrong, I can use it to say ‘I told you so’. And I will. Believe me, I will.”


…about travel insurance

“So let me get this straight — you’re planning on snowboarding each morning? In Singapore? I *think* that’s covered by the company policy…yup — that’s fine.”


…about getting around

“You want to use Uber? Fine. Take your chances. There’s always the bus. Actually… use Uber(!).”


…when you miss your connecting flight

“Screw it — you’re in Amsterdam! Live a little. There are plenty of flights back!”


…to the CFO

“You’re WHAT?? Raising the travel budget by 20%?? Are you in-freakin-sane?! You really expect me to keep that busy?”


…to your line manager

“We need to spend it all to keep next year’s budget up. Are you sure you can’t keep him in Pittsburgh for an extra five days? There’s loads to do there…”